This piece was not birthed out of fantasy, but rather from reality.

The late Dr. David Schnarch, sexologist and psychologist, would agree with me. Real intimacy is possible. I'm very sorry you are jaded about its existence. I hope you find the strength to risk the amount of vulnerability and authenticity you’d need to discover it.

I’m not doing others a disservice. As a psychologist with over 20 years of clinical practice, I'm sounding an alarm.

Something terrible is going wrong.

You are settling for so much less. Maybe you fear what’s possible because it would require becoming psychologically naked…

Kwame, I'm not your sweetie.

And, maybe you missed where I wrote I DIDN’T KNOW it was a thing. I can't communicate about something I don’t know exists. That's my point.

YOUR behavior...YOUR responsibility.

No one is in your mind. No one can know your intentions ahead of time. You putting this on me or any other woman is blame-shifting.

These days it’s still possible, but doesn’t look likely

Photo by Yohann LIBOT on Unsplash

Living alone amid a pandemic has given me a lot of time to think. My life is pretty isolated. Outside of seeing my family for three hours a week and sporadic zoom calls, I have had little contact with the outside world.

In a few weeks, I’ll have been living this existence for a full year. I would have never dreamed this would be survivable.

I’d love to be in a relationship so much that it has become a physical ache.

But not just any type of interpersonal connection. One-night stands are easy to arrange. …

An intimate look at passionate lovemaking

Photo by LightFieldStudios on

You step close. I can smell your cologne; its musky scent teases my nose with its hint of something more. Your finger lifts my chin until our eyes meet. And as I look deep within the blue pools of yours, there’s a burning desire that matches my own.

My breath catches in my throat, and I lick my lips. The feel of my tongue running across my lower mouth quickens my pulse. I stare hungrily at yours, willing you to kiss me.

Your fingers curl around the back of my neck and catch in my hair. My head tugs back…

Probably more than we are telling them

Photo by Pixabay on

I saw that Larry Flynt recently died. He’s left us with quite a legacy. His groundbreaking legal battles for the right to publish and produce pornographic content have forever changed our cultural landscape.

Sex used to be off-limits for public consumption. It occurred in the dark or illicit corners of society. Flynt’s influence has helped to shift our definition of what’s acceptable.

Extramarital affairs, swinging, polyamory, BSMD, fetishes, and the such have always existed as part of our society’s underbelly, but not mainstream. …

I hadn't considered the pressure women feel to have to be pleasing to a man, but rather was referring to the sex act itself. Many woman--not all, but a lot of us--wait for the man to lead the sexual experience. He gets us aroused, he introduces (or doesn't) foreplay, he decides when to penetrate, he sustains a pace until his partner indicates she's ready for his ejaculation, or he has to hold himself until he pulls out. That's what I was referring to. I know this is a huge generalization, but I'll bet it describes what's happening in a lot of bedrooms.

Shouldn’t I have figured this out by now?

Photo by Marcelo Chagas from Pexels

It’s terrifying to admit that I’m sexually confused. I don’t know if I’m heterosexual, bisexual, or a lesbian.

As a psychologist, I’m well aware that our earliest experiences influence our sexuality. How well did our parents meet our basic needs? Were we touched, hugged, and affirmed? What was our relationship like with our mother and the other women in our lives? Our father and other men? Did we feel safe and, even more importantly, loved?

I realize gender and sexual orientation are incredibly complicated and identity-based. …

It’s the secret to pleasing a woman

Photo by g-stockstudio at iStockphotos

Until recently, we have mostly ignored the woman’s clitoris, which is sad since it is the key to fantastic orgasms.

Discovering My Clitoris

I first discovered mine in my late teens. I’d seen pictures of it a few years earlier when I borrowed the book, Our Bodies Ourselves. My mother, a registered nurse, had suggested I read it. It provoked great discussions, such as about masturbation.

But it wasn’t until I stumbled onto steamy romances that I became interested in this part of my anatomy. The hot descriptions of lovemaking aroused me enough to try something new. It was then that I slipped…

Please, will someone explain their popularity?

Photo by Seregraff by

Why do some men find it cool to ejaculate in the face of their partner?

Okay, I’m going to admit something that probably many of you may have guessed. My sexual knowledge and experience are at an odd state of incongruence. I’m not very worldly in the practice of all things sexual, yet I’m not hesitant to research and ask questions.

As a psychologist, I’ve had the privilege to hear what goes on in people’s bedrooms. Clients have shared stories that run the gamut of terrifying to erotic. I’ve listened to swingers discuss the complicated ins and outs of their…

But I won’t make that mistake again

Photo by tommaso79 on

There’s something incredibly intimate about anal sex, maybe that it’s naughty and only discussed in certain circles. Certainly not a topic to come up in polite conversation.

I’m not sure why we are uncomfortable with anal sex. Perhaps it’s because it’s only recently become vogue. There’s something very primal about it.

I can’t remember the first time I heard of anal sex. It took little to let my imagination run with it. I fantasized about what that kind of sex would be like. I imagined it would feel like being desired and possessed all at once. …

Marie Lynne

Exploring Sex, Sexuality, and Gender issues as a 50+ y.o. Single Woman

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store